Lunchtime Learning

A woman at work brought in some DVDs to learn Spanish.  We decided we would get together over the lunch hour and meet in one of the conference rooms.  Tom went to Costco and bought 3 extra-large pizzas, and really, Costco has some good pizzas!  Wow.  They aren’t that expensive either.  Just what we needed for a group lunch.

Nine of us crowded into a kind of small meeting room, eating pizzas and drinking cokes (no beer… that would have been great!), and watching the Learn to Speak Spanish lesson projected onto a wall.  I can see how it’s easier to learn a language this way, because they have pictures of people doing things, printed words describing what they are doing, and a voice speaking the printed words.  But .. no English anywhere.  It’s actually a matter of guesswork at first, and then you kind of get the hang of it.  Or not. 

In case you haven’t seen this program, I’ll describe it to you.  Let’s say the first picture is one woman sitting at a table with a plate of food, and she is about to take a bite of something…. Let’s say she’s eating mashed potatoes and gravy.  And the words above her spell out, well …. Great, now you’re going to know I didn’t learn anything!  Haha.  So, I’ll make up my own words.  OK, so the words above the picture could be “La Foofie Chowa Galooba” and what it means is “Lady eating potatoes”… ‘La foofie’ being ‘the lady’… and ‘Chowa Galooba’ being ‘eating potatoes.’  So at first you aren’t sure of the meaning of any of the words because nobody is telling you… you have to guess. 

The next picture on the screen is a picture of a little girl eating some ice cream, and the words above the picture are “La Girlie chowa Coldie La Creama”… and because you’re good at guessing, you realize that maybe “La Girlie” means the little girl (ah, it’s just so easy, isn’t it?), and “Coldie La Creama” just has to be ‘ice cream.’  Wow.  Is this fun or what? So you’ve already figured out that ‘chowa’ must mean eating or, chowing down.  Hmmm.  Off to a good start.

Then they show a picture of a man running down the street carrying a bag, and the words “Hombre skooching ala dribble” and you have heard the word ‘hombre’ before so you figure that’s got to mean ‘man.’  But what does ‘skooching ala dribble’ mean?  Well, maybe ‘skooching’ means running but what’s with the ‘ala dribble’ part?  Could that mean ‘package’?? Or is it about to rain?  Or maybe he’s on his way home with something for dinner and he’s actually drooling while he’s running?  Drooling.. Dribble… could be. That would also tie in with the first two pictures that had to do with food.  I sense a theme here!

There is a fourth picture.  Oh yes, there is.  This one has three women in it, and they are all running wildly up a mountain path, waving big spoons above their heads.  They aren’t dressed in running clothes.  One is wearing jeans and a tee shirt, the second is wearing red pants with a blue jacket and purple shoes (must be a rock star), and the third is wearing a baseball uniform that is way too big for her, and 6 inch heels.  What are they thinking dressing this way?  I noticed that not one of them bothered to accessorize!

The words written above this picture are “Las (aha!  That means there is more than one!) Foofies (aha again!) mit a skooching (this is just way too easy) in der (somehow this is beginning to sound German) Frangily Cantukas while-ski (a little Russian sounding here) clanking muy muy whiskey.”  … Hmm, “Las Foofies mit a skooching in der frangily cantukas while-ski clanking muy muy whiskey.”  I’m just guessing now, but I think it means that the women are running in really silly clothes after drinking a lot of whiskey.   I could be wrong, but then again I could be close to right. 

I think the theme here had to do with consuming things:  food, drink, and who knows what was in the bag the man was carrying.  Maybe it wasn’t food.  Maybe he had just bought his dog some toys and was running home play with him.  I’m pretty sure the dog’s name was Jake.  Or maybe that was the cat… no, I’m pretty sure Jake was the dog.  Jake is just a big ole dog that loves the man.  Let’s name the man.  Let’s call him Kevin.  Wait!  Let’s call him Paul.  Hombre Paul.  But let’s leave Paul for now, he needs to get home. 

Learning a new language really can be fun and easy.  We are planning to do this again.  

Cosmos and Love 

It’s Friday night.  I don’t have to study tonight (gone back to school online) and on the way home from work I decided that I wanted to have a couple of really strong Cosmos.  I make good ones, if you like them strong, and since I like them that way, well, I’m the best!

I’ve become addicted to a new song lately, from Gotye, “Somebody I Used to Know.”  The first time I heard it I got in half way, just when Kimbra was singing “Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over…” and thought to myself (or maybe said out loud), “Oh, quit complaining!”  But now, I’ve heard it from the beginning and it’s a very catchy tune… really great lyrics if you listen from the beginning… and I’m addicted to this song.  No kidding.  It’s all about young love and how you fall in love with someone but know it’s not good for you, because you feel lonely in it.  When we are young (or ‘were’ in some cases) nobody ever mentioned that you might actually fall in love with someone and feel really lonely in the relationship.  It just comes as such a shock when you realize that’s where you are.  So lonely!

Cosmos are good.

And then something finally ends the relationship, and you have to deal with all the breaking up and hurt feelings and mending of self-images.  And the stuff!  You have to give back or get back all the stuff!  That’s not easy.  And every time you look at the stuff, it has memories attached to it.  “I remember when he had dinner on this plate” or “this was a crazy-fun time when we took this picture.”  When the things are in your hands, it’s almost as if they vibrate with memories.  You can feel them tingling your fingertips and moving up your arms and then right into your heart, to squeeze it, to hold it for just a few seconds and then let it go.  And then let it go.  Life is a lot of getting and letting go. 

Cosmos are fun.

Every now and then I think to myself (or maybe say out loud), “Sometimes I need a boyfriend.”  But the truth is that I need a boyfriend, sometimes.  Not all the time.  Just some times.  A few times a month would be perfect for a face-to-face boyfriend.  The rest of the month is good for emails.  Chats online.  Texting.  Meebo.  Instant Messenger (aka: IM).  Communicating with each other but just not in person, so you can be whatever or whomever you want or the other person wants, without all the garbage.  Without all the looks of anything other than pure, unconditional Love.  This is the kind of relationship I would like right now.  Let’s fantasize.  Let’s pretend.  Lets. 

Cosmos are our friends.

If I had a man who I could chat with a few times a day and we could talk about things, and then say loving things and, yes, sexy things, I would be happy.  We could meet a few times a month and have dinner, talk about stuff and things, current events or whatever, and then get physical for a while.  Lovingly physical.  He could spend the night.  We could get up the next morning, go out for a nice breakfast, talk a little, hold hands maybe, and say loving or friendly things to each other.  Then hug and kiss each other and say “see you later,” and life would be good.  We actually would see each other later.  Maybe online, maybe just email… maybe in video chat, texting, or Skype.  No games.  No hurt feelings.  Just friends that really like each other and, occasionally, in person. 

Wow, who made these Cosmos?

Vodka.  Cointreau.  Cranberry juice.  Lime juice.  Ice cubes.  Shake and pour.  Very nice.  I did it!  What a good girl am I.

Men are like… many things.  It depends on the man and the situation.  No, not the “Situation,” but real live men.  Men are like boats.  Like candy.  Like good wine.  Like bad cheese.  They come in all shapes and sizes, all colors, all sounds… and yet, they are basically … just men.  You got your good boat, your bad candy, your sour wine, and your pungent cheese (these are the stinky feet!).  It’s all good and bad depending on who raised them, how they relate to themselves and the opposite sex (unless they are gay then the ‘sex’ is the same), and how well they can speak.  Or, how much they actually want to communicate.  Some men just grunt. 

Wow, Cosmos are my favorite drinkies…

Fridays are good, and yet they, too, can suck.  Anything can suck.  A good steak can suck if you don’t feel like eating it.  Or, if you just heard on the news that they feed toxic waste to the very cattle that your steak came from.  That could make Fridays really nasty.  This Friday is actually pretty nice.  I talked to a friend for a while, drank a few Comsosos, (really goooood oneS!), and here I am with no problems other than the ones I will remember tomorrow.  Tomorrow.  What a nice word.

Gee.  Comososos are the best.     

Happy Birthday Annette!

Today is Annette's birthday.  It is raining where I live but I know the sun is shining anywhere Annette is.  She has the sun in her smile!

I wish you a Happy, Happy Birthday Annette!

Love you!!

Mookie-Mom

Starry Night Encounter

I had to write a story for my Human Sexuality class that described the journey of the sperm and egg, all the way to fertilization.  The instructor said it should be a story, be creative, and give them personalities.  I was having so much fun writing the story that I forgot to include the opening paragraph to let the reader know what to expect, so I got a few points off.  Darn.

This is the story of what was happening inside Bella and David, on a starry night in December.  They had been seeing each other for quite a while, and this was the night they finally got to know each other on an entirely different level...

Ova-Marie lived in the Bella Universe, where she was born and raised with almost 300,000 sisters.  They all got along quite well and had the same vision of what they wanted to do with their lives.  They all wanted to travel the fallopian highway to meet their prince charming, so that they could transform into what Madame Uterus called a butterfly of the other world.  None of the Ova sisters really knew what that meant but were quite sure it was something wonderful.  Ova-Marie was waiting for the signal to come so she could be released from her follicle and make her way through the fallopian tube to meet her fate.  She had been waiting for so many years and was growing weary of seeing the same follicle walls all the time.

Suddenly she heard the signal float through the walls of her follicle, beckoning her to get ready for the journey.  She could feel herself changing and seemed to be growing bigger and lovelier with each passing minute.  This was so exciting.  This was her time and she wanted to do her best so that she could finally see what becoming a butterfly felt like and was a bit curious to see how different she would look.  No need for a map or navigational system because all of the Ova’s were well schooled in the art of ‘running the tube’, as it was called. 

The door opened and Ova-Marie stepped forward, throwing caution to the wind.  Waving arms welcomed her into the mouth of the fallopian highway, and after a last check to see that she was as beautiful as she could be, off she dashed.  It was peaceful and at the same time exhilarating in the tube.  The walls seemed to secrete a lovely scent that made her feel even more welcome, as if there would be a big plate of cookies just around the next bend.  As she rounded the bend, there was the plate of cookies along with a note that read, “Have some cookies.  Relax and take a load off.  Prince Charming might be here any time.”  So she reached for a cookie and ate it in anticipation of what was to come.  Instinctively she knew the vagina of Bella Valley was at the other end welcoming the army that carried her prince charming to her.  She could almost feel it.

Spencer Sperm was born in the universe of David and was feeling strong today.  He had moved from the testis house into the epididymis where the big boys lived.  Here they ate a better diet and worked out in the epi-gym every chance they got.  Spencer was growing in size and had practiced his swimming almost every other minute in readiness for the big race.  His tail looked good today.  As he looked around at the other swimmers, he could see that this would not be easy.  He would need to fight his way to the front of the line to get to the prize.  Spencer was not sure exactly what the prize was, but they had all been told to just get there first and go through the big round wall to get their reward. 

Spencer’s daydream was suddenly interrupted by a shudder, and all activity in the house stopped.  Everyone knew what it meant.  The big race was about to begin.  The large group eagerly surged toward the massive double doors.  A pulsing now replaced the shuddering from before, and the doors flew open to the sound of what sounded like bugles as the sperm raced out of epididymis house into the Vas deferens expressway.  Spencer swam as fast as he could, knowing that the David Universe was engaging in some activity with another universe.  He had been aware of this before, but it seemed different from his days in the testis house.  This was electrifying.

As Spencer and Ova-Marie were moving into their positions for the big meeting inside the Bella Universe, David and Bella were doing their part on the outside.  They had become closer over time and were now engaging in passionate play.  David’s kisses and embraces made Bella feel warm, and she hoped he would continue.  David was quite sure he was not going to stop anytime soon unless Bella wanted to stop.  Warm juices and gushing hormones swept through both their bodies as they were ready to engage in sensual pleasure.  David felt ready to perform, and Bella was now sensually charged.  As David and Bella merged and became one on the same playing field, little tiny cheers filled every cell deep inside the universe of David.  The race was on.

Spencer could feel himself being propelled ahead so that he was gaining momentum and reaching the front of the pack.  He could see some sperm falling behind, and others were being killed off by the acid gang which lurked inside Bella’s uterus.  This was no picnic!  Spencer had to be on his guard at all times.  As Spencer’s tail waved forcefully behind him, he found the entrance to the fallopian highway and something told him this was where he should go.  He was sure he smelled a faint scent from that direction so he followed it, not knowing why. 

As Ova-Marie waited patiently, she thought she heard a commotion from somewhere in the tube ahead of her.  Was it Prince Charming?  She strained to see, but it was so dark that she was almost blind.  Suddenly, a swarm of sperm broke out of the darkness and swam straight for her.  Her first impression was that they were much too small to be princes.  They were upon her before she could finish her thought.  Ova-Marie could feel them trying to penetrate her skin and after a little bit, it seemed one had done just that.  What a strong sperm he was.  From somewhere inside her she could hear a distinct voice say, “Hi, my name is Spencer!”  So this was Prince Charming.  It was well worth the wait.

Fertilization had just taken place, but outside, in Bella’s Universe, nothing was known about it.  Ova-Marie and Spencer had joined as the universes had planned.  Cells were multiplying.  Hormones were secreting.  Blood was flowing.  Bella would discover in a few weeks that Ova-Marie and Spencer had become one and had created something completely new.

What a nice, starry night.

Growing Older

Tonight I’m going to bed by 8 pm so I can GET SOME SLEEP! 

No wonder I’m fat.  My body thinks it’s time to hibernate so it’s taking everything that goes into my body and storing it as fat.  Stored, packaged and saved as fat.  I’m sure there’s a little storage facility located somewhere in my stomach that’s doing a booming business.  There could also be one in my fanny region or, as some call it, the outback.  Either that or the family from down the street moved in and brought all their friends with them.  It feels that way sometimes, and they must all have horns that they blow.  Blow at the most embarrassing times.  Like, when I get up from my desk and start walking to the printer down the hall (because they never put printers closer than a mile away) and the people in my fanny decide to blow a few horns.  I can hear everyone whispering from behind their cube as I walk by … “There she goes….. Again.” 

Fat is a drag.  Well, too much of it can literally be a drag!   When a large amount of fat accumulates in a certain part of the body, our friend gravity drags it toward the earth, kicking and screaming, and it just hangs off the body in a really unattractive way.  I know this firsthand!  You’re probably wondering which part of my body is becoming best friends with the earth, but I’m not going to tell you.  Let’s just say that I’ve named it, or them (as the case may be) and put a hat on it (or them, as the case may be).

In any case, I’m tired tonight so we’re all taking our hats off and going to bed. 

The Mist

There is a mist in our minds and hearts that keeps us safe when we cannot bear to see the truth.   We’ve all felt it.  It encompasses us and hides the beast that is about to attack.

The beast comes in many shapes, sizes, colors, and images.  The beast once was beautiful but morphed to become ugly and menacing before our eyes.  If we could have watched it turn, seen it become hateful, we might have at the very least, prepared ourselves for battle.  Or we could have fled. 

Battling to save our sanity, our souls, was not an easy task as we were unprepared.  So we improvised late, after the fact, after we had opened the curtain to reveal the monster standing there ready to crouch and attack us once more.  We must outsmart this monster.  We must not let it hurt us anymore.  This all stops now.

Engaging the monster again and again, with seeming regularity, it should be wounded, and yet it doesn’t die, doesn’t grow weak.  We cannot keep it at bay any longer.  We must let it out and break it down piece by piece.  We cannot let the monster win.  We must be the victor. 

Women who have been in an abusive relationship know the roots of this monster.  They have experienced the hate that comes with the attack, shrouded in makeshift clothing designed to trick us into believing it is love.  This is love?  Love is supposed to be beautiful, not foul.  Love is supposed to be caring, not possessive.  Not crushing.  Not lying.  Not hurting. 

The mist that once protected us must now nurture us as we begin the journey to save ourselves.  We must now look at the past, see it for what it was, and burn it, not bury it as we did long ago.  Burying only kept it at bay for a time, and then it began to call to us, very softly at first, becoming louder and louder over time.  We are no longer afraid to touch it because we know it cannot hurt us anymore. 

Walking with the mist around us, we tread softly at first, holding back tears of regret, but ultimately grasping the knowledge that those tears are cleansing us.  Feeling the darkness that had sucked happiness and hope from our existence, being released from our bodies and souls is nothing short of miraculous.  The mist is a kiss, a sweet loving kiss that has no boundaries or expectations.  It is just a kiss to help us on our journey.  

Cell Phone Legends

There is a little known legend about cell phones.


It is written that when the first wireless phones were designed, they were made to resemble men in their attitude and logical sense.  That's why there are mostly men in the wireless phone stores.  They don't really like to hire women to do this job because it sometimes angers the wireless god, he who we call PowGod.  


PowGod has a bad temper and will only allow women to talk and text on certain frequencies.  Those are frequencies that cut out in underground garages and certain major shoe stores.


However, it's also a little known fact that PowGod loves email!  Yes!  And do you know why?  Because of the sound of the word 'mail.'  Uh-huh.  That's right.


He's quite the Greek God when it comes to his reflection, especially if it's him talking on the phone.  The poses.  The dapper stares.  Quite the godlike figure.


The name 'PowGod' is actually from the ancient Greek word Powodopolus, meaning 'talking god who occasionally attaches ribbons to his ears and sings sweet lullabies while dancing on water.'


In the early '90s, it was rumored that PowGod wanted to take over the ribbon industry and create ribbons that lit up in different colors, depending on the mood of the wearer.  However, P and his staff of creators (they are, after all, gods) could not agree on which colors to use for good dreams, since they range from 'Good' to 'Wow!' with an occasional 'Zowie!"  Some wanted purple, some red, others wanted fireworks.  Considering that most gods (and people) dream while sleeping, and in a prone position, they figured fireworks might get a little messy, just a little hazardous, and dropped the idea.


Another major cell phone company decided to challenge PowGod and came out with a female version of the wireless phone that they quickly named LG.  LG actually stands for LolaGod, 'she who washes her hair in lavender and wears prettier ribbons than PowGod, or even his close friend GoodGood.'


It's a crazy legend ... but there you have it.