Diet and Exercise

All the exercising sites on the web!  All the paid programs on TV with diets and pills and machines and stuff!  How can anyone be anything but perfect? 

Let’s analyze this, shall we?

Diets – Well, you’ve got your typical common-sense approach; the powder on your tongue that makes you actually shed those pounds tactic; the meals automatically delivered to your door method; and let’s not forget the liquid diet.  Let’s not, but let’s decide what liquids we want for our meals because we do like to have fun! There are so many more diets but who has the time tonight to cover all of them?  I’m hungry.

Exercise – Get moving!  Sit on this thing for just 5 minutes a day and you’ll have thighs like an Olympian.  Take a walk.  Punch a bag.  Step up and down.  Ride a stationary bike like there’s a fire behind you.  Swim.  Swim fast.  Swim like there’s a shark behind you.  Walk.  Walk fast.  Walk fast but then walk slow and then walk fast again.  Lift weights.  Don’t lift weights but do use this big rubber band.  Whistle.  Sing.  Ah, and then there’s the one that says “Breathe”, which is really my favorite.  I can totally relate to breathing.  It’s my thing…

When I lived in The City I walked all the time, to and from work, up and down hills, to meet friends for lunch, dinner or a drink.  Sometimes to meet for all three with the same friend on the same day.  We called them ... well, we didn't call them anything by the end of the day.  Who could?  Good days.  Good times.  Good body. 

Good-bye body.  That’s what happens as soon as you move out of the City.  No walking because who wants to walk 10 miles to the grocery store and have to dodge dogs and traffic all the way back?  Yes, there are dogs and cars in the City, but it’s just different.  In the City they seem to be on leashes more (the dogs).  And the drivers, well… they don’t have as much time to text while driving, so it’s actually safer.  In the suburbs drivers have way too much time on their hands, sitting in traffic, eating a meal, talking on the phone, and yes… texting.  But enough about them.  Let’s get back to the subject at hand… me and my body.

As you can imagine, I’m a total beauty.  Body like a goddess, voice like a song, hair the color of honey, and an intellect that’s wicked-smart, yet softly feminine and demur.  It’s a wonder no one has snatched me up yet!  I just don’t understand … what are they waiting for? 

Maybe we could play golf.  Get some upper body strength, some good eye-hand coordination going.  I see Tiger’s back.  I see Tiger’s side.  Hi Tiger.

So, diet and exercise.  It’s a puzzle for people who like to sit.  It’s hard to run, walk or swim while sitting in front of the TV or computer.  That’s why I like the breathing technique so much.  You can do it anywhere, anytime, with or without a partner, and you don’t need a membership card or hot clothes.  You can wear pretty much anything when you breathe.  Maybe we should make Tee-Shirts that say “I’m Pretty … I’m Breathing.”  Or, “I’m Breathing Pretty!”  I like that one.  It has class.

Ok, so that’s it.  I’ll drink my meals, watch TV or write on my computer, wear my Breathing Pretty Tee-Shirt, and breathe.  That should do it.

I’ll start right now.